Wife Swap Gone Wrong
by Darren-Shan-Fan-012345678910
Summary: Emmet puts Bella on wife swap but will they get through? If they don't they were going to deside on swaping Bella with Kate.
1. The idea

**Author's Notes: Hello readers this is my first fan fiction book hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Wife Swap (sadly).**

**Chapter 1: The idea**

Em (Emmett's) Pov:

It was the finish of another great show of wife swap when I got the best idea why don't I enter Bella for Wife Swap again. Before I could say anything Edward was there on the sofa. You could tell by his expression that he could tell what I was going too say. He started chuckling too himself.

"What's so funny Eddie?"

"Oh nothing except I've already checked it out with Alice and it won't work." He said still chuckling away to himself.

"Ah but she says that the future can change." Ha that got him his smile was wiped completely off his face. He then said in a mysterious kind of way "I'm going too be keeping an eye on you Emmet, a very close eye".

After Edward left the room I went and got Esme's video camera and put on a voice what sounded like Edwards but not Edwards. I've been working on it for a special occasion. I pressed record but then Alice came in the room.

"What are you doing?" I kind of knew she was going too find out some how.

"Nothing"

"What are you doing with Esme's camera?"

"Erm it's for a school project"

"You don't go to school" Damn it she was right. "Ok you caught me out I was going to try and get Bella on Wife Swap".

"Didn't Edward tell you it won't work?"

"Ye but you say that the future can change depending on the person itself."

"Fine I'll help you. But let me hold the camera."

"No I'm holding it."

"I'll tell" She got me cornered I knew that she would tell I know what she's like. "Fine you can hold the camera but just keep quite."

**Author's Notes: So how was it please review and I'll make another chapter. Thank you for Reading.**


	2. The film

**Author's Notes: Hi I'm sorry I didn't review any sooner my dad took the computer monitor away because it needs fixing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Wife Swap, Vampires, Demons and I don't own allot of things!**

**Chapter 2: The film**

**A (Alice's) POV: **

This is going to be classic I've made sure Bella's old school friend Jessica is doing wife swap. I've also made sure that Bella's life will be like hell in that house it's all set. All we need to do now is make the film. Emmet reminded me about the deal we made yesterday.

"Remember you hold the camera and Jasper holds the boom neither you nor Jasper speak a word until we get to the part where we are going to see you and introduce you." He said, "Oh I almost forgot JASPER GET YOUR VAMPIRE ARSE DOWN HERE NOW."

Just as he had finished shouting and probably waking up the whole town Edward came running down shouting at him.

"You idiot you woke up Nessie you fucking twat."

"So it's fine it's 3:00 am everyone should be up and running"

"For most humans getting up at 3:00 is like you getting ripped apart to pieces and burnt by other vampires."

"That would be really good because then I would be away from you."

"Well next time keep quite." Edward started going upstairs until he stopped turned around and looked at me, Emmet and Jasper (during the fight Jasper came down) "What are you doing with Esme's camera again. Alice I thought you said that Bella won't be able to go on Wife Swap."

"We're doing Nessie's school prodject because she needed help"

"Nessie doesn't go to school does she?"

"Erm yes she does" Ha we caught him out.

"Right put it back where you find it you've finished or I'll tell."

"We were gonna do that any way."

Edward then went upstairs to do something even I don't want to know about. Once Edward's door closed we started making the film to get Bella on wife swap.

"Welcome to the Cullen house hold my name is Edward and I am going to take you on a tour of the house. Here in Forks we have my awesome, strong, brave step brother Emmet and this is him with his wife Rosalie showing off his big biceps and her adorable looks. This is my big step sister Alice and her husband Jasper and they are both really creepy so if I were you I would keep away from them. This is Carlisle my step dad and his wife Esme. Carlisle works as a doctor in the local hospital. This is me and my wife Bella with our adopted daughter Renesme or as we call her Nessie. I hope you liked the tour of the Cullen house see ya peace out."

"How was it" Emmet asked excitedly.

"Allot better than I thought but I need to edit it allot basically because Edward would never say peace out on tape also most of the things you said on there isn't true!"

**Author's Notes: So how was the second chapter please review for the next!**


	3. The letter

**Author's Notes: Hi I wanted to get this chapter of my chest so here it is.**

**Disclaimer: I (sadly) do not own Twilight, Wife Swap, A dog, a chimpanzee called Mo and I don't own allot of things!**

**Chapter 3: The Letter.**

**B (Bella's) Pov:**

I was just relaxing "playing" with Edward when there was a cry down stairs. So me and Edward stopped "playing" and started putting our clothes back on. When we did that we walked down stairs to check what was going on. As soon as we came into the living room Alice was crying on the floor kicking, screaming and shouting. "No it's not fair we were meant to make Bella's life hell." I was shocked by the mention of my name who wouldn't be!

"Why make my life hell what did you want to do with me"

"We wanted to put you on wife swap"

"Hold on who's we?"

"Me Emmet and Jasper"

"But why me"

"I don't know it wasn't my idea Emmet why did you want to put Bella on wife swap"

"I can't remember oh yes I can do you remember last week when she started playing pranks on me"

"Emmet that wasn't me that was Edward"

"Oh right soz Bella"

"But why all the tears"

"Because you didn't get through" Phew that's a relief. "In fact they said that we've been band because last time we didn't take it seriously"

"What does the letter about then?"

"Ok I'll read it."

**Dear Cullens**

**Dew to the last time you went on wife swap. We are very sorry but you have been banned from the show. Basically because the last wife was so scarred that she has fined the show because of what had happened and she started a roomer about you being vampires.**

**Yours truly, Wife Swap presenters**

"What was the film like then surprise me"

"I'll go get it" Emmet went upstairs got the tape then ran back down and shouted "FILM NIGHT"

Emmet put the film on and got popcorn even though vampires don't eat but being the nit wit he is he just got it anyway. I then turned the light off and then Rosalie pressed play on the remote. The tape started outside our house with a voice what was meant to sound like Edwards.

Welcome to the Cullen house hold my name is Edward and I'm going to take you on a tour around the house. Here in Forks we have my absolute crappy step brother Emmet and his wife Rosalie I really don't see why she married him because he's a total nitwit and can never get anything right. This is my totally awesome, gorgeous step sister Alice and her totally awesome, strong, brave husband Jasper. This is Carlisle my step dad and his wife Esme. Carlisle works at the local hospital.

This is me and my totally fit wife Bella also my cute little adopted daughter Renesme or as we call her Nessie. That was the tour of the Cullen house hold I hope we see you soon bye!

"So Emmet how did you like the editing wasn't it really good."

"No it was absolutely fucking shit why did change it so much."

"Because most of it was totally wrong also Eddy wouldn't say peace out on camera."

"Edward would you say peace out on camera?"

"Err no are you mad I wouldn't even say it even if I was on camera!"

**Author's Notes: So how was it I'm sorry it took to long my dads at Africa Review please!**


	4. Boring!

**Author's Notes:** **Sorry that I've not been add this chapter sooner but I'll be able to add them soon!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, a car, a boat and I don't own a cat with stomach problems! (I don't even have a cat!)**

**Chapter 4: Boring!**

**A (Alice's) POV:**

It was so boring nothing to do it would have been allot better if Bella would have made it to wife swap. We could always write a letter pretending to be a different family. Probably wouldn't work when they get here they would find out and then go straight back. Also they would probably find out from our voices. But we could always disguise ourselves and put on different voices. No they would know where we live. I know we could do vampire swap we could swap Bella with some one else. We could swap her with one of the Denali family they'd probably swap. I'll probably ring Kate to swap with Bella she should swap.

"EMMET GET YOUR ARSE DOWN HERE NOW JASPER YOU TO."

"What"

"We could ask Kate whether she would swap with Bella for two weeks just like Wife Swap except Vampire Swap."

"Ye that should be fun and we won't need bother about her killing people in Forks because she's on our diet also Bella won't be moaning seen as she's ok with them."

"Exactly"

"So what are we waiting for call them."

"K but can we afford the flight"

"Of course we can Emmet we live in a big house got lots of Cd's, loads of big wide screen TVs, a big collection of DVDs, a good car each, We all have iphones and loads more other stuff. If we couldn't afford one ticket to Alaska I'd be afraid. We've got enough money to get a private jet never mind one ticket."

"Ok ok don't get your knickers in a twist I was only joking anyway"

"Who were you saying that to Emmet?"

"I said it to erm erm Jasper ye Jasper"

"I never said anything so you can shut the fuck up you arse hole."

"Who you calling arse hole, dick head."

"Who you calling dick head, bitch."

"What did you just call me you t..."

"Shut up both of you and calm it I don't think Esme would take it kindly if she found broken furnature in the house. Jasper calm down and go get my phone from the bed side table and Emmet just shut up." Finally peace and qiute it should be quiter once Jasper's upstairs getting my phone.

"Right Jasper hurry up we haven't got all day"

"We do have all day though actually we've got all night and day we've got all the time in the world."

"Just hurry up"

"Got it here you go one phone comeing down."

"Jasper don't you dare throw my phone over the banister or you'll be finding your self not drinking blood for a long while."

"Come on it was just a joke, here it is."

"What would their number be down as."

"Your dumb you it obviously be down as The Denali's. I know their number of by heart any way I know all my numbers on the phone cause I might need to use them some times. Their number is 0375 829 0352."

"Are you sure."

"Not really."

"Lets just use the phone I'd rather be safe than sorry."

"Fine then but you spoil the fun that's not even a number on my phone I just wanted to have a prank call."

"Right here's their number Alice you ring them."

"Why me?"

"It's your phone."

"Fine I guess I'll have to do it then give it me then."

**PHONECALL**

"Hello who's that"

"It's Alice. I was just wondering whether Kate would swap lives with Bella for 2 week."

"I'll ask her." Carmen left the phone on hold for exactly three seconds then came back."She said it was al right"

"That's good! Tell everyone I said hi alright."

"Ok bye"

"Cya"

**FINISHED PHONE CALL**

"All set this is going to be hilarious"

"Why?"

"Because we're gonna be doin allot of pranking"

"On Kate."

"No. With Kate on the whole town."

**Author's Notes: Thank you for reading I'm sorry it's taken so long for this chapter I should be able to publish the next chapters quicker if you reveiw. (And if my computer moniter comes back quicker!)**


	5. Kate's Swap

**Author's Notes: I'm really sorry I've not updated sooner it's just because of the holidays I've been out and about so here's the next chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Vampire swap, a Hippo, a car, a boat and I don't own the world muahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!**

**Chapter 5: Kate's Swap**

**Kate's Pov:**

I packed my bags in half an hour that was probably a record for me it usually took about forty five minutes I dragged all the bags downstairs and then into the BMW it didn't fit so I had to put some in the back seats. I went back inside gave Carmen and Eliazar a hug.

"I'm gonna miss you."

"You'll be back sooner than you think it won't feel like two weeks it probably won't even feel like one, have a good time."

I gave them both a hug then turned to Tanya.

"Don't prank her that much or she might just get you back."

"She won't know what hit her." She smiled crookedly at me.

"Well I warned you be careful though bye."

I then turned my back got in the passenger side of the car while Garrett got in the drivers seat. I turned around started waving and watching Carmen and Eliazar disappear while the car sped around the corner they were out of site in the matter of seconds. I turned round stopped waving and then turned to Garrett and gave him a kiss then lent against him all the way to the airport.

When we got the airport we both got out the car gave Garrett a hug then we brought in the bags when we got to the counter a woman was there looking as though my husband had hypnotised her. I felt like smacking her so I walked between her and Garrett and she suddenly snapped out of the trance.

"Er excuse me this gentle man was before you."

"No this Gentleman is with me." After what I said she looked as though she had seen a ghost.

"Ough I'm so sorry mam where are you flying to today"

"I think it was PortAngeles"

"Okay do you have your passport?"

"Ye it's er well it was in my pocket Shit I left it in the draw with ticket."

"Madam please mind your language there are children behind you."

"I don't give fuck whether there are children behind me or not."

"Madam if you don't start minding your language I'm afraid you won't be flying with us today."

I calmed down at once "Sorry I just get really wound up can I leave my bags here I've just got to get the passport and ticket sorry about this I won't be long."

I left the bags behind the counter I went outside and told Garrett to take the car back gave him a kiss and a hug and he got in the car and left I then walked into an alley way and made sure no one was there and flitted back home in a minute opened the door went into the bedroom opened the draw got the passport and the tickets and left without nobody noticing when I got back to the airport the woman wasn't there any more there was only a man in around his twenty's. As soon as I got to the counter the man started looking at me weird.

"Oh Fuck off look I left my baggage behind the counter before I need it back."

The guy didn't even hesitate he gave me the bags.

"Thanks"

"I need to check your passport"

"Ough sorry here and here's the tickets."

"I'm sorry miss but that plane's taking of in twenty minutes you'll have to run and though's bags ar..."

"Fine then I better go now see ya."

I ran at human speed it took for ages and when I got to the plane it didn't help that there was only one minute to get in there and take my seat there was a young man at the door I decided to be flirty.

"Erm hi could I maybe go on a seat where there's no one else I really need my sleep and I don't like sleeping next to people."

"I'm sorry I can't do that."

"How about we go on a date once I come back my name is Maddi Link I live on 10 Lurkshire road in Denali."

"Maddi nice my names Bob Daveison. Hang on Lurkshire road is that even a road."

"Ye your so funny please I'll promise to marry you."

"You will ough boy this is the first ever time lets get married in a week"

"Sorry can't do that maybe three you can pick me up from here. So hows about it."

"Definitely actually you can go first class it's on me."

"Ough thank you bye."

I ran through the corridor when I got throughtheywere about to close the door I just got through. I went down to the firstclass told them that the man said she could. In the middle of the plane there was a spar. And in the corner was your own buffet and there were separate seats all over the place I choseone near the window but kept it closed for the whole of the journey. I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep there was a man on the opposite side of the room and started looking over at me and moving closer. He came so close that I could smell his breath it smelt as though they had been brushed using Elephant crap. It was worse because my good sense of smell. He sat one seat away from me when there was no seat next to me he stood up luckily a lady's voice came through the speakers.

**Ding Dong**_**"I would advise all passengers to take there seats will shall be arriving in a while."**_**Dong Ding****.**

While the voice finished I started turning and pretending to be just waking up.

"Fuck sake she's waking now crap." Then he waddled back over to where he was sitting before and put on a grumpy face.

We landed a minute after he walked over back to his seat. As soon as we landed I went out the plane to find out that I was being followed by the man from the plane I decided it would be best to lose him other wise he'd go bonkers. I went over to the place where we collected our baggage luckily my baggage was the first out because I was the last one on. The fat guy had to wait for 10 minutesto get his lugagge and by that time I was gone. I went outside and luckily Edward was there obviously Bella had only just left because he was about to reverse out but then he saw me.

"Hi how was Bella?"

"She was good it's just that she knows that Tanya is plotting something."

"You had to tell her."

"Yes I did."

"Why?"

"Because you'd do it if I was planning to do something on Garrett."

"True. Fine I forgive you."

"I give up. We'll be there in a minute it only takes thirty minuites to get there with my driving."

"Good I hate slow drivers."

**Auther's Notes: Well that the fifth chapter I hope it was worth the wait!**


	6. Bella's Swap

**Author's Notes: I'm trying to do the chapters closer together.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Vamp Swap, a book, a werewolf, and I still don't own the world but I'm working on it so soon I'll be upping taxes! **_**Muahahahaaaaaaaaa!**_

**Chapter 6: Bella's Swap**

**Bella's Pov:**

I was getting ready for two weeks without Edward and the others. Alice was upstairs packing my bags knowing her she'd probably pack the whole wardrobe. Jasper and Emmett were deciding what to do with Kate seen as Tanya was planning something for me. Rosalie was in Nessies room playing with various shiny things and twisting them into random objects. Esme was gardening and Carlisle was at work as usual whilst me and Edward were in the living room spending the remaining time with each other. When we were getting to the good part Alice came down stairs carrying each bag on each finger.

"Where should I put them?"

"Erm give them to me I'll take them to the car."

"I'll do it knowing you you'll fall over."

"I'm one of you remember I couldn't get hurt unless I got ripped apart and burned to pieces." At that Edwards face fell. "And if you left or got hurt."

At that his face perked up again at that Edward picked half the luggage then I picked up the other half and we walked to the car hand in hand. At half past eight I put my passport and tickets in my Jeans pocket. I looked at the time on the tickets and then the time on the wall. If it took half an hour to get to Port Angeles and the plane leaves at 10:00 so I'll leave at nine. I spent twenty minutes hunting I only just caught an injured dear. I arrived back at the house at 8:51 I spent the rest of the time saying goodbye.

"Bye Rosalie take care of Nessie I don't trust the others."

"I agree cya Bella."

"Bye Alice I would say I'm goanna miss your crazy shopaholic ways but alas no so bye."

"Ough thanks I'm really… Hey I thought you liked me. Fine no shopping for you!"

"Ogh yes this is the best thing ever Halleluiah. Cya Emmett don't punish her to much."

"Augh you had to spoil the fun."

"Just promise you won't ok. Cya Jazz try to mess with her emotions."

"Thanks it will be my honour."

"Bye Mum I'm really gonna miss you."

"Miss you too sweetheart."

"Say goodbye to Dad please. Bye."

I then got in the car with Nessie and Edward. I got in the passenger seat Edward in the drivers seat and Nessie in the backseat and we left for the airport. I turned around just in time to watch the house disappear into the forest. I turned around to face the front for the rest of the journey. By the time we got the airport it was really crowded. We went in to the information desk where there was a man in his fifties and he was looking at me as though he was Alice and I was a shop that was giving things away for free. I think I saw him drooling when Edward stepped in front of me and pushed me back a bit which was lucky because the guy looked as though he was about to jump at me. The man looked really disappointed. I could feel Edward ready to pounce at him any second now, so I did the best thing I could think of. I turned him around and gave him a slight peck. Then the man behind the counter took his eyes off me then looked down. I walked forward Edward by my side with Nessie behind him in case we needed a quick exit.

"Hello there where are you flying to today."

"Alaska."

"Do you have your passport and ticket?"

"Yes here."

"Ok just go straight through."

"Thank you."

"Erm excuse me there was only one passport and that was to Mrs Bella Cullen."

"Ogh sorry. Bye Nessie be good for your Auntie Rosalie."

"Yay Auntie Rosalie that means lots more shinny things."

"Bye Honey I'm gonna miss you."

"Augh babe's I'm gonna miss you too be good."

"Bye!" At that I walked out of sight from my daughter and husband.

On the plane it stank I was sat next this fat guy who took up two seats and was luckily snoring all the way, because he didn't see me shutting the window as we travelled above the sky. I opened it again when we were landing. As soon as we landed I was the first person off. It took fifteen minutes to wait for my luggage which was good because I met someone my mum knew called Sarah. We started talking and we missed our luggage three times. We talked until we got outside where I said my friend was waiting in the car park so I left her there. Kate had left ages ago because Garrett wasn't there. I hid in an ally way made sure no one was near and flitted to their house it took about a minute when I knocked there was no answer so I knocked again I was about to check whether they were hunting when Tanya opened the door.

"Hello Bella welcome to two weeks of hell."

**Author's Notes: I hope you liked it I'm going to do a chapter every Monday and Thursday if I can't sorry please review for the next chapter though thank you! **


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